Tonight were the Louie Awards, the annual Ball State Journalism awards for student media and organizations. Great night all around - good food, plenty of hospitality, glitter fights and a general sense of camaraderie from the CC contingency that I've been blessed enough to be a part of. The highlight of the night was watching my peers get recognized for the hard work they've been a part of.
I am an absolute sucker for awards receptions - providing I get anything. This time, the awards were for those who had more years of experience, time and skill in their craft. My colleagues are all extremely skilled and dedicated professionals and people, and working with them is both a professional and personal blessing.
My problems lie in my always-skewed views of myself and life. I never allow myself to fully celebrate the achievements of others - something I regret deeply. The thought that always goes through my head is "How am I failing while these people are succeeding?" Now, that's a horrendous way of thinking, but that's the mindset my brain is stuck in. In as such, I never feel like an equal around my colleagues. I kinda feel like the batboy or a pity friend - I'm the guy that people let hang around them so he feels good, or the kid that's technically on the team/has a name and number, but rides the pine. I want to be MVP, and I don't know what I'm not doing to get there. I don't want to bash myself on this blog, because my whole life revolves around that at times in ways that scare me, and I'm trying to get better at it.
The title of this blog is Cream of the Crop because that is what I am constantly trying to be. I just need a healther way of helping myself get there.
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